Insanity Journal, I call on you to fulfill your original purpose, a dumping ground for my thoughts on why my life is so horrible. As the reader may see from a few of the previous entries plus my lack of entries, my mental health and emotional health have both been well. But today it took a bit of a dive.
Yesterday I was feeling sick and I didn’t get as much sleep as I had wanted, so that might play a role in it. I will describe my issues of today in two parts, the morning contributions to my anger, disappointment, apathy, etc. that I have felt throughout today.
In the morning, we had a bake sale. The lippy first years really really get on my nerves. They are bossy and do not know their place. From my entries in this journal I am sure that the reader must consider me a harsh, demanding, perfectionist, who has a very outright and forward disdain for everyone else. This is not true, my nature is usually good towards other people, that is why I find it very hard to bring myself to put the first year students in their place. There were other minor issues that contributed as well that would never have been an issue if my mental status had been better than “fatigued”.
The afternoon was trying as well. After the bake sale, the second years had a skills test, while all the work that the first years had to do was the bake sale (which I’ll add the second years had to do as well, even though it was not during their class time). Granted, the money from the bake sale goes towards the culinary arts’ club treasury, which will in turn benefit me by allowing my class to grace a five star (or whatever) restaurant with our presence. Nonetheless, I find it quite an annoyance that the second years have significantly uneven workloads. The skills test was comprised of making a puzzle cake (I will not explain what that kind of dessert is, I am in no mood to do so), which requires a person to slice a four inch high cake into three smaller circles of cake. If a person cannot cut evenly, the rest of the cake suffers. The chef demonstrated this act, and expected everyone to be able to perform the feat with exact precision, which nearly none of us did, and when we failed to do so he seemed to act like the problem was the student’s. The first try at nearly anything is rarely much more than adequate, if that. This made me quite upset, but then I decided to allow myself to slip into a gentle apathy which allowed me to lower my blood pressure and increase my pleasantness around others. My cake ‘s quality went up, even though I had mangled the layer slices. Additionally, a guy that I have class with (I may have mentioned him previously, the one who treats his girlfriend poorly) was in a mood, and I had ascertained that it was most likely because of me. Why? I can’t say, and I don’t care. If whatever I did is so petty that I don’t remember it, then he has no right to be angry with me.
Tonight I plan on sleeping for ten hours, which will put me in good spirits for Thursday, which is a very long day for me generally. I expect to have a nice rice breakfast, and a good early morning walk to school. If the morrow disappoints me, be certain that you will hear from me.