I had considered closing this section of the journal recently, I’m no longer feeling constantly depressed, as you reader surely noticed due to the large gap in time between entries. I’m growing spiritually, I understand new things, I love more, I am becoming closer to God. This helps me a lot.
I recall telling you that I had lost my recent girlfriend, which was long distance, so the emotional bonds that one would expect with a relationship of romantic nature had not solidified, as so, it wasn’t a giant crusher for me. I have been living, for the most part, without the desire to find another girlfriend, this is a important point for this little story of mine. I have a class that has the required reading of a book called the “Unquiet Earth”, in which there is a boy (later a man in the story) who has a cosmic connection (as a classmate of mine put it) with a first cousin of his, and they eventually have a romantic relationship, which had began to bud very early in their lives. I enjoyed the incestuous nature of this relationship, because I love how people around here find such things disgusting. People’s disgust at things like this are entertaining for me. This is a unrelated comment to the story, but I’m sure it will help my reader understand me better. The boy’s name is Dillon, and if you ever see this book somewhere and decided to read it, the part of the book that this concerns is the very beginning, before things get “serious”. Dillon pursues his cousin and it is easily seen that he would toss away his life for her and would do anything for her if she asked. But he is immature, he sulks and enters into unreasonable bouts of depression when she turns him down, and demands too much of her too quickly. This reminds me of a girl that I knew. I was Dillon, she was Racheal, metaphorically, and actually. A strange coincidence that this whole situation could relate to me if only my name was Dillon, and Rachael was not a first cousin. I plan on tracking her down and seeing her again. I haven’t seen her in at least three years, maybe longer. I can’t recall another person I connected with so well. She’s the only person who was as foolish as me. I remember a time, only one time, when I thought we might have become involved romantically, and I became a coward and destroyed the whole possibility. If someone ever asked me to recall a choice I made in my life that changed the remainder of it, it would be the choice not to kiss one girl. If I made other life changing choices, this one overshadows them all, I can’t remember any others. Wish me luck reader.