I finished watching my movie… My room is about five minutes of work away from being done, but I can’t finish it. I’m feeling so emotional right now, like the emotions that I kept away from the people that weren’t around me or I drank away for so long are coming back and in a big way. I cried sometime near the end of Gia. I turned off the computer after it was over and wandered around the house, looking at things, not seeing anything. I looked in the fridge for food, I didn’t see anything, maybe there was food in there, but I didn’t see it. I told Katie that I never feel alone… Well I do right now. I want someone to be near me, anyone. I made fun of my sister for not ever wanting to be alone, she never wanted to be alone, I do, a lot, but right now, I feel so isolated. I want someone to show up, come home. They don’t have to talk to me or anything, just be nearby. Where is mom? Shouldn’t she have been home a couple hours ago?
I want to talk to mom, I don’t know who I’d rather have near if I had to choose between Katie or mom, right now it’s a tough call, usually I know, but I don’t. I think I’m going to wander through the house a bit more, eat some toast or something, and take a nap.