I’ve got a million and one things to type this morning, but not enough time to even start. It’s another rough patch with me and Katie, and yes, I was the one that sparked the powder keg on this one, but I wasn’t alone in packing it. The difference this time? It might very well be our last rough patch. Last night might shape up to be the last time I cry because of how sad and angry and disappointed things have gotten, and this weekend would shape up to be the last time I’m happy because I’m around her. But, reader, you know how fickle the gods are, and for some reason I think they delight in making my life as interesting as possible. So at eight thirty nine in the morning, I don’t think I can type much more about the situation. I think I just sent a three page e-mail to Katie this morning, I hope that it came off as at least mildly constructive instead of a insane rant, which it probably was. I think she hates getting mentioned in here because she thinks I make her out to be a “horrible person”, which I think yeah I’ve complained about her or the relationship in here before, and even if it was some sort of off-the-cuff, light-hearted remark I think she gets cranky about it, but that’s the thing about relationships, nothing personal against her. If this the end for me and her and I date someone else, your going to see the same stuff about New Girl. Where the heck am I going with this? I hope my e-mail to her wasn’t as rambling and meandering as this… Oh right right, I remember… I was saying, she’s got problems, yeah, but I do, you do, everyone does. Overall, she’s not a horrible person. She’s a regular person with a handful of problems, just like anyone, just like me. Is she a wonderful person? Had you asked me that Monday morning or a lot of days prior, I’d easily say yes, but at eight forty three in the morning after a incredibly sleepless night tossing and turning thinking about her and me and us, I don’t think I can come up with “wonderful”. My mouth tastes like there was something plastic in it most of the night. My head feels like someone stuffed it with hay. My heart feels like it’s been drained of it’s life. I’m not angry though. I’m… something else… I’m not even “upset”… I’m disappointed, listless, dispassionate, tired… I’m not even hopeful today. I try to keep it positive, you know? but today? At least I’m working with Ryan today, he’ll probably take it up a notch for me. If I had a poison that wouldn’t kill me, but just put me out of commission for a few days, just rolling around in my own physical agony and pain, unable to concentrate on anything other than that pain, I’d down that sucker. There is so much going on in my head and heart right now. I love her, reader… I love her so much. I’m just so tired.