I’ve got to leave for work in about nine minutes. I want more time so I can type in here. I realized today that this forum, which to the best of my knowledge only regularly frequented by two people, which used to depress me, was really established in the first place for myself. Some things I just feel more comfortable typing out in white letters on a black screen. I’ve got so much to type, but it’s Valentine’s Day and I’ve got to work. I’m kitchen. I spent last night with Jason and Allie at his place. I was up until six or seven playing Warcraft. It felt strange being there because I had lived there for so long and I was back. It was a… hrm… I’ll say awkward comfort.
The stress for today came from a conversation with Katie. This will fuel my thoughts for the night, unquestionably. The conversation itself really wasn’t a big deal, in fact, it probably doesn’t even qualify as a small deal. Why it is significant is that it heralds in the reality that it is a hallmark of our relationship. I’ll go into more detail tonight about that.
This weekend she was in Zanesville. She really opened up to me, things were good, I have a hard time remembering any other time I’ve been with her that I felt so in love or so close to another person. This gave me so much hope for the two of us. A strange hope that I’ve never ever ever felt before with her or with anyone. It was powerful. The reality of the hallmark that came today makes it easy for me to use the past tense “was”. Reader, I’ve got to touch a note in here personally for Katie, don’t read into that more than it is. As I sit and type, I don’t really have any sort of changed inclination towards the ultimate goal of the relationship. What has changed is that I think I have a better grip on how things operate. This realization will spur on some thoughts that may lead to the change of what I want, but for now? Most certainly not.
I spent about a half hour talking to Jason in his kitchen about me and Katie. He played both sides real well. I think that any good friend should do that and he did it admirably. He offered up options for and against the continuation of the relationship, which I think is probably the best thing a person can do, don’t give what should be done (unless that’s clear), but merely express the different options. I don’t think he really said anything to me that was new to me or something I had never thought of, but it really did feel nice to hear someone else say it.
I’m going to go to work, and I think it will be a good night in the kitchen. Either it’ll be slow and I can think, or it’ll be busy and I won’t have time. Both of those sound great to me, reader. This may be the first time I’ll ask something of you though, reader. Here it is: pray for me.