Today was effectively a day off. I had lunch with Rob, been awhile since I’d done that. We talked about this and that, philosophy, politics, society, this and that. I went to Penny’s after that and dropped a bunch of money on clothes for some reason. I also dumped a bunch of money into Amazon.com for a bunch of books that I hope to use as source material for my book.
I spent the largest chunk of time today teaching myself to tie a tie. Dad’s tried teaching me before, but either he’s not suited to be a teacher in that realm of education or I wasn’t paying attention very well. Probably the latter. I didn’t care for some reason, if I remember right. Now I didn’t have him around so I had to teach myself. Life lesson learned, I guess.
I went to New Hope, which is back on the “They Sold Their Souls For Rock and Roll” “documentary”, if you want to call it that, and it’s a nice change of pace from worship, which I get lots of through the week. This week sort of turned me off a bit, so much of it seemed like a stretch. In other weeks it was either stuff I knew about before or was new and interesting, but this week was either stuffthatwasblatantlydemonic/satanistic/New Age/whatever or a disjointed stretch. Must have just been a rough volume for the Good Fight crew. Next week I expect will be better.
The New Hope Gang went to Steak’N’Shake again, the conversation wasn’t as deep as it has been, but it was definitely a good time. The Dunlops from Faith were there, nice to see them. After I got home I called Katie like I told her I would… No answer. It feels a bit weird… I know if this little thing happened a month ago I would have felt so … devastated. Now I feel uncaring. Well, that’s an overstatement I guess. I feel a bit concerned, which is to be expected… maybe something happened, you know that lot. That aside, I used to feel like “oh she doesn’t care about me enough to be there when she asked me to call or I told her I’d call blah blah”, and that, of course, is unhealthy. If she just chose to screen my calls or went out and didn’t bother e-mailing me saying so, that’s rude, yeah, but that’s not what I’m talking about now. My end of things is what I mean… I’m rambling. I’m going to have to watch myself once I start writing. So where was I going? Yeah yeah I think that I’m a little less fragile in my … hrm … emotions doesn’t seem like such a good word. I can’t think of a better one.
I’ve only just recently realized how much I’ve opened myself up to Katie in such a way that enables her to have the ability to hurt me. Reader, don’t think I’m implying that she ever does that or does it intentionally or anything like that, but I’ve given that vulnerability to no one else. No other girlfriend, no other friend, no one. I think it works both ways. I’ve got a bit of a cynical laugh to think about, first, all the times that she’s taken a frustrated jab at me, verbally of course, and how much it’s hurt me and I don’t think she’s ever known, secondly, the opposite, I realize that I’ve must have done the same thing from time to time. Who does it more? Probably her more in quantity, me more in quality.
I’m going to go to bed… Tomorrow I’ve got work in the morning and a whole afternoon of nothing important. Maybe Amazon got really quick on my books and I can start reading about Bushido or a psychiatrist’s guide to becoming an adult.