I didn’t get enough sleep last night. I got into bed around roughly two o’clock in the morning, being dead tired I expected to sleep immediately, but the brain wouldn’t shut down. Then my body wakes me up at about nine and I tell it to go back to sleep, which it does, fitfully, for another twenty minutes.

Yesterday was a good day, overall. In the morning at work, Ryan gives me a hug and tells me he read my post. Best Response to a Journal Post Ever. I apologize to him for him having read the whole thing. He tells me that he’s more of an “internal” person, and that’s why he’s not so open. He opens up, just under the proper conditions. Later in the day, he talks to me about Kelly, his (hopefully) new girlfriend. He tells me that he was nervous to tell me about it, because I tried with her briefly, and completely unsuccessfully. I appreciate that. Later at ZVenuse (which I’ll talk about more later), he gave me what is now my favorite opinion on me and Katie. Someone finally included something positive. Later, when Kelly was there, he started telling her about mine and his connection… I think I picked up on a “I’m getting a gay vibe” from her, which was bad for Ryan. He looked at me a lot while he talked throughout our time there, and not so much at her. At no point did there come a moment that I could tell him to pay attention to her or at least look at her more, but I think things went alright for him anyway.

So what else happened in my day that wasn’t really Ryan related? The lunch shift was one of the busiest ones I’ve ever worked. We did roughly sixty people, and that’s after four days of doing seven or ten people during lunch. Dinner was busy too. Neither shift I’d give the adjective of “slammed” to because we were never overwhelmed. It all went real smooth. The day just dragged on and on. Being in better spirits most of the day, towards the end of the dinner shift that started to lag, and I was in a pretty dark mood. Irritable, and unhappy. I think I kept that to myself fairly well. Katie tells me that she’s going to a friend’s house and I won’t get to talk to her, that was a large disappointment, I was looking forward to it after our brief conversation on my break between shifts.

Dishwasher: Are you doing anything tonight?
Ryan: [explains he’s hoping to meet up with “a girl”]
Dishwasher: Nail her yet?
Me [thinking to self]: sigh I’ll probably die happy if I hear someone ask: “Cherish her like a man is supposed to treasure a woman yet?”

I go off the clock and mope around the kitchen for awhile. Ryan asks me why I’m still there, I give him some answer like I’ve got no motivation to go home or something retarded like that. Usual depressed moody answer. He says, “I know you don’t drink, but do you want to go to ZVenue with us?” I’ve been to ZVenue, I pretty much hate it, it’s often loud, I expect to be bored like the other two times there, and I’m irritable anyway, I tell him sure. Here comes something that cheers me up, it’s raining. Not heavy, not light, that nice kind of rain that when you walk inside your not drenched, but anyone in there can see you were rained on. Almost perfect precipitation.

ZVenue gave me a welcome I hated. The place is tiny and the band has the volume for a place about four times the size. It’s one of the bartender’s birthday and Ryan has brought a present for her, so I stand unattended by myself while he happy birthdays her. The pack has been broken and now one stands alone, confused, obviously lost. I notice out of the corner of my eye a older guy staring at me. Creepy. Really creepy. He looks like Willie Nelson if you’d give him a hook nose and a haircut. I’ve seen this guy somewhere before but I don’t know where. He stares until Ryan gets back. Ugh. I feel dirty thinking about it. Later I’d talk to Ryan:

Me: Who’s that guy there? [points]
Ryan: That’s [Creep].
Me [remembering him]: Oh yeah, he’s the one who made out with the homeless guy?
Ryan: [describes how that was the first time he had a full body dry heave]
Me: And there was that time I was sitting at the piano bar and he kept scooting closer to me.

This guy qualifies as a straight up pervert. Who else there made me uncomfortable and hate being there? Some other guy, also older, somehow got Ryan’s attention and Ryan waved at him, than the guy started motioning us over to him. Ryan didn’t seem to notice, and I pretended I didn’t. Eventually Ryan looked, and we went over. I thought Ryan knew this guy from the wave, but he asked Ryan what is name was and acted like he didn’t know him from Adam. Me? I told him my name (also note that this guy never once volunteered his name, which I didn’t really care what it was, but it’s just manners) and here started some conversations.

Me: [My name]
Ass: Oh? Your [my name]?
Ryan [likely sensing some weirdness]: He works with me at Maria’s.
Ass: I know who he is!
Ryan: Do you know his dad?
Ass: No, I know his mom.
Me: Oh.
Ass: Your mom’s Kelly right?
Me: No, it’s [my mom’s name].
Ass: Oh, I don’t know you.

Ass [during a tirade about how the people dancing, can’t]: Look at her, she’s not even moving. Don’t you agree she can’t dance?
Me: I suppose not, but you and me? We’re sitting here, she’s atleast trying.
Ass: Hrm… [Note: I’m terrified at this point that he’s about to take that as an offer to dance, I’m not sure about this guy] Yeah I guess you’ve got a point.
Ass: [Returns to making fun of the dancers]

Ass [fortunately near our time together]: Why are you so stoic?
Me: Pardon?
Ass: Why are you so stoic?
Me: I was just…
Ass: What do you like about women the best?
Me: Their company.
Ass: I like their tits.
Me [what I wanted to say immediately]: Thanks for tainting their opinion of our gender f!@#er.
Me [what I wanted to say next]: Maybe you should ask me what I like best about the guys, big fella.
Me [what I actually said]: Yeah that’s a popular pick.

Shortly before that guy left I heard some woman he’d been with all night “whispering” to him, which is impossible for some drunks to do. She was telling him things like he’s a “reason to live” and he’d follow it up with “I want to [name your sexual verb] with you,”. The demons were fired up pretty hard tonight, but that exchange there made me feel a touch murderous. Kelly would later tell us that she thinks that all girls are dumb, and I said that I absolutely hate to agree, but I think I do. There are three people at my table that know that guy, myself having only known him for about twenty minutes, and the consensus is that he’s a total jerk. This woman seems to know him even better, and she’s calling him a “reason to live”? What happened to standards?

I’ve got mixed feelings about going to places that exist only to get people drunk. The positive side is that I get to spend time with Ryan, and Kelly is cool, Primo? his company can go either way, at least in my limited experience. The negatives? Although I drank Coke (and this time Ryan paid for it) I absolutely hate seeing any money go to a bar for a product that I’m going to consume. I hate seeing other people drink. I hate being around drunks. I equate this to spending time in a crack house watching people I care for and strangers smoke up.

The lights in this world changed once I started viewing alcohol as a problem instead of a solution. And a problem it is.