Meatwad: Tell ya what… you give me that there computer… and maybe you’ll get to go with me.
Frylock: Well I really don’t want to go.
Meatwad: Superbowl is in Detroit this year…
Frylock: Oh boy… Detroit…
Meatwad: Yep. The home of Robocop.

Ugh, this murderous heat.

So I went to Cincinnati yesterday. See Katie and see Macbeth. I picked up Katie, and she was looking pretty good. I left Zanesville too late and so we had to forgo dinner. Let me tell you a bit about the drive down.

Well two things of note happened. The first thing is I saw a couple stopped cars and a couple tow trucks and the best part was there were two females huddled together in the field about fifty feet from the vehicles. You just can’t pay for that kind of emotion. So later I was feeling kind of zoned out, so God told me I should have two double jalapeno White Castle burgers and a medium red pop. I ate those and I felt better. I guess God knows what he’s talking about. Mad props to God, yet again.

So I wanted to eat at the Montgomery Inn. They apparently have wicked good ribs, but I got to Cincinnati too late, and we had to get to the play. Maybe after, right? Macbeth was presented by the Ovation Theatre Company at the Aronoff Center. Six frickin’ dollars to park. Here is the setup for Macbeth: there is a theater with seats and a stage and there are backdrops and scenery and lavish, period costumes. That’s the description of a Macbeth that happened somewhere other than the Aronoff Center Saturday night. Here’s how it goes down there. We’ve got a fairly large room, small compared to say… Secrest Auditorium, that’s a regular room, no slant or graduated seats or a stage too… So it’s a big square room, with seats on all four of the sides of the room. In the middle of the wood floor are glow-in-the-dark tape on the floor, which is, of course, the most awesome kind of tape known to man, with the exception of glow-in-the-dark duct tape, which I may have made up and imagined right now. The play started about fifteen minutes late, which was a bit of a drag, since we got there about fifteen minutes earlier, giving me a half hour wait. Title role was played by a guy who looks just like Ed Norton from American History X and did a fairly decent insanity and madness as Macbeth continued to have his soul eaten up by his own desire for the fulfillment of the words of the Weird Sisters to come true. The witches were pretty creepy and acted sort of lesbian-like, with hands all over and weird. My big complaint, which one might guess would be the lack of everything forcing me to use my imagination (which is awesome), but it’s not, it was that the actor that played king Duncan, had three other roles in the play. The other role that sort of confused me briefly was that right after king Duncan was murdered, the scene with the drunken porter… Well the porter was played by the same guy in the same costume. Fortunately, I had read the play in high school and retained pretty much all of it. I remember things.

During intermission, Katie and me stood around outside and took in the warm night downtown air, than went back inside to use the bathroom. The women’s room had become so congested that they’d already commandeered the men’s room. The second half contained the two most awesome parts of the play, both of which had to do with Hecate. I’ve never seem someone pretend to be demon possessed so well before. And she fed some blood to Macbeth, which was pretty hot. That reminded me of earlier in the day when I was explaining to my mom about how I’d like to claw the cheek meat off of some guy with my claws and she told me to “take it easy, calm down” and I said “sorry, I got worked up” and she said “Uh, yeah, I can tell”. I’m going to have to give that play experience a eight out of ten possible points. Katie and me than wandered around downtown looking for a place to eat. The only places that seemed to be open seemed to be all bars. In the process some guy said “something something Kentucky something something ninety cents something”, so I said “sure” and gave him a dollar, he thanked me and wandered off, not noticing that my left hand gave him a dollar and my right hand was at the ready to disembowel him if he got funky. He wandered off, and we started off back to the parking lot. Just before the parking lot, while in a crosswalk, the dirty guy called from the corner to us, I said “just a minute, bud” and kept walking.

The morning was marked for church and then Target and then Montgomery Inn. As usual, we were late for church. I balked at the parking situation and we came to the conclusion that church wasn’t going to happen. Target was a drag, for the most part, I had Katie buy me a bowl and some chop sticks, which I was happy about. Montgomery Inn doesn’t open until 3pm on Sundays. So we went back downtown and wandered around looking for somewhere to eat. Turns out that most of the restaurants in downtown Cincinnati are closed on Sundays, including the franchises. We ate at a Indian restaurant called Akash. I don’t recommend it.

During a blind stab at driving back to Katie’s, I managed to get us pretty well lost. The first ten or fifteen minutes of it was cool, I like touring strange places. And than when I saw the “horse crossing” sign, I sort of figured that we weren’t in the city anymore. And then we spent a bunch of time driving through the Mount Airy forest, which is also not Cincinnati. When we got home, it was nap time, and then I went home.

I left Katie’s on good terms with her and that was really good. Less anger more friendship, that’s what’s important, right?

On the drive home, I was feeling a little zoned out, so Satan told me I needed six single jalapeno White Castles and a sack of crinkle cut fries and a large red pop. So I hit up exit sixty nine’s White Castle, which was filled with what looked like a multi-racial Partridge Family that doesn’t sing, or at least not while they’re at White Castle. White Castle’s credit card system was down, and I wanted that low quality food, so I hit up the ATM and spent two dollars to get twenty dollars out of that machine to pay for that food. After a lot of waiting and capitalizing on the soda fountain refills. So here is where Satan’s plan comes into play, it was about an hour later… I was bored, so I started whipping crinkle fries out of the driver side window of my car and trying to see if I could see them bounce on the road in my rearview mirror. Because of that I found the one stretch of interstate seventy one that doesn’t have wake up strips and almost scraped the side of the Corolla along the guard rails. Also, I think it’s impossible to see crinkle fries bounce on black top near sunset in the rearview mirror at sixty to seventy miles per hour.

Two other things of interest to mention is … well have you ever seen a dog or a cat with one of those cone collars that keeps them from licking themselves raw? Yeah, we all have, but here is something most people haven’t seen, which today I did: what used to be a dog wearing a cone collar that had been run over by traffic. Road kill with a cone collar. It was amazing and sad at the same time.

Later in the day I saw a semi-truck that said: “Carrying the world’s most precious cargo”. I tried looking under the tarp, but I didn’t see any children.