So I got my e-mail. Basically it boils down to she thinks we need a complete break from each other for awhile because the “just friends” thing isn’t clicking in her brain, and she thinks the break would be best. Well, the “just friends” thing, has been sort of a joke, since we’ve certainly been worse at being “just friends” than we were at being together. ;)
She said she can’t let go. She said I’m not helping. I agree. She also had a sort of finger pointing tone. It takes two to tango, girl. But, she knows that. She, for some reason, thought that the doormat/Frisbee analogy was literal. At least the weekend part. And than she goes on to talk about how she feels. Well, the doormat/Frisbee analogy could have went “I’m a doormat by day, but being a Frisbee is my night job.”, but no one plays Frisbee at night. Hrm, actually it’d make more sense that way. If you toss a Frisbee at night, chances are it’s just to toss it away, not to someone, or somewhere, just away.
With the exception of the doormat/Frisbee misunderstanding, I think that was maybe one of my favorite e-mails from her. Yeah, it sounds messed up to say that I really really liked the e-mail that explains why she’s severing our relationship (at least temporarily), but it made sense, it was logical, and she did a fairly good job at communicating some abstract ideas. I hope I didn’t sound like one of her professors… A big stressor for me has been her communication, which she’s not really great at, she knows, I know, everyone knows. But even with a situation that I know is emotional for her, she manages to make fairly clear sense. That shows some improvement for her in the communication department. I think I’m retarded, or maybe mature, it’s hard for me to tell… I’m reading that e-mail thinking “Wow, this sucks, but she presents it so much better than I’d have expected. Good job,”
So where does that leave me in the romance department? In regards to Katie, I’ve been in the same boat as her. I did everything I could to not let her see it, because I thought things would be easier on her, or me, or the both of us, or someone. I know being together isn’t going to work, but a part of me has really really misses being together. So she did what is probably best for us, give us a severe break so that we can let go of each other, time for us to let the romantic aspect of what we have wither. She’s asked me before to just tell her if I never want to be with her ever again so she can stop “wasting her time” (that hurt, I’m getting better at understanding what was meant, but not any better at taking what was said). I told her that I’d never say never, which is true. What is also true, is that neither of us should do any waiting. If I wasn’t sure of that now, I am now. I’m not waiting around for what served as the stressors for our relationship to disappear, and I don’t want her to wait for me to finish waiting.
Does this equate to that I’m moving on? Well, I think I’m almost done moving past, but I don’t really feel like moving on. Does that make sense? I don’t really like those words, but I don’t know a better way at eight thirty in the morning to put it.
Katie’s really special to me. And I’m still obedient, I’m not e-mailing her. Hell, I might not even take my Palm to work, just to avoid the temptation. Haha… Funny, really. I’ll severely severing my relationship with my Palm to avoid temptation. Maybe me and her are more alike than I thought. ;)