Last night, as I was falling asleep (at two AM, stupid Guild Wars), something in my closet moved. Suddenly, a childhood fear came back and came back in a big big way. Not much scares me, I don’t have a lot of fear in my life, but this was straight up pure terror. There is no reason that there should be anything shuffling around in my closet at two in the morning. Maybe it was just something unbalanced that finally fell over. I reassured myself that anything behind that door couldn’t be a person because of all of the things in there wouldn’t leave room.
Than I thought my way through that reassurance and decided that meant it could be something that wasn’t human. Ten years ago I would have clutched a t-ball bat until I fell asleep, waking in the morning cramped up from sleeping on a bat. Tonight, it was a naked sword. Something that no one wants to fall asleep with. In the dark, I debated, “You know that whatever is in that closet isn’t real. So is it the mature, rational thing to open the closet door and show yourself that it’s nothing, or just believe it without looking and go to sleep?” This equates to either “Cater to the fear and look,” or “Be overcome with the fear and pull the blankies over your head,” Both felt damning.
I looked. Heart pounding, I opened the closet door. I’ve faced horrible things that were likely my imagination. I’ve had a loaded gun waved in my face (three different times). Took all of that like nothing, and here I am 22, naked, holding a sword in the position to impale whatever Truly Evil Being of Darkness that has decided to call my closet home, at two in the morning. Nothing.
Sheathed the sword, went to sleep.