What does daddy get for his hard work? The big piece of chicken at dinner! My mamma would kill us if one of us ate the big piece of chicken by accident!
—Chris Rock, Bigger and Blacker
I took Katie to Tee Jay’s. Tee Jays is the closest place to buy food in proximity to my house. The unpronounceable Mexican place is better, but it’s about twenty feet farther in a different direction. So I go to Tee Jays. Here is why this is the worst experience I’ve ever had a Tee Jays:
- Several minutes to get seated
- Hostess attitude
- Obviously clueless servers, multiple servers approaching our table asking what we want to drink. No one had any idea who’s table we were.
- Unusually long time to get my Dr. Pepper
- Acceptable amount of time to get our food, but no silverware.
- The stench. Initially, I thought this was a manky fart coming from the booth behind us, but as the smell persisted I decided that the smell couldn’t possibly come directly out of a human body unless that body was no longer alive.
- Smell was so bad that I had to offer my cinnamon roll to Katie for her to smell until I got to it after my chili.
- We had to request being reseated farther away from the bathroom, which allegedly contained a toilet which was in serious retrograde. A male customer who was joining a nearby table started for the bathroom and they loudly told him that choice would shape up to be one of his worst.
- We had to suggest to the server that we’d be reseated.
- Katie’s food, which she wanted boxed because she didn’t feel she could eat while experiencing the odors of human waste in the Tee Jays, was packed reasonably quickly.
- And a very long wait to pay at the register.
Tee Jay’s wasn’t really that busy. Maybe it was busy for them, but I’ve seen that place absolutely packed and received great service. The service today was pretty bad, and the vomitous toilet really compounded everything. While at the register, Katie was chomping at the bit, waiting for the hostess to ask “How was everything?”, but the hostess knew, so she didn’t ask. Katie was disappointed, so I got her a comment card. While looking at it on the way to the truck she said, “‘Would you return to Tee Jays?’ Yeah, when I want to feel better about myself,”
During breakfast/lunch, I was telling Katie about the I’m blogging this.” t-shirt. She asked me if this was going into the blog. “this” being the horrible Tee Jays experience. I said it was, and she speculated on why her life was uninteresting, why the only things that happen in her life that are interesting are things that have something to do with me.
So I’ve decided to give the secrets to an interesting life that generates interesting things that people occasionally want to read:
- Be interesting yourself. The first step involves the most work. You yourself must be interesting. The best tip from me about being interesting is: “Always be up for doing anything,” even if it’s something you don’t think you’ll like doing and you’ll complain about it the whole time. Be involved with as many activities that are out of the cookie cutter mold that you’ve let society hammer you into. Your a girl? Take up boxing. Your an old guy? Listen to hip-hop and learn it’s history. Your a little boy? Talk your parents into buying A Brief History of Time and learn about physics from there.
- Surround yourself with interesting people. When you read “interesting” maybe it should be interpreted as “crazy”. Crazy people are interesting with a more frequent degree of regularity than people who are simply “interesting” and they’re easier to find. “Interesting” people are safer to be around though. Your choice, basic “interesting” or “crazy”.
- With the first two pieces in place, interesting things not pertaining directly to yourself or your interesting/crazy friends will occur. This third step requires absolutely no action on your part. This step is a natural bi-product of the successful completion of the first two.
With these three steps completed, your life is now ready to be blogged.