I married into a cat. Despite a rocky start, four years in, we’re now up to “frenemy” status. The cat makes a lot of noise and I usually don’t know what it wants. I presume that it’s one of the items on this list:

  • Give me food.

However, in recent months, there is a very specific meow that the cat makes that I know means “I’m going to barf on your carpets. Also, in a few moments I’m going to go somewhere to do this that is inconvenient for anyone to clean up too.” I’ve gotten pretty good at hearing this meow, scooping up the cat, and dumping her outside. Sometimes in one fluid motion.

On the much lengthier list, “Things I don’t understand about cats”, is immediately after becoming sick, the cat wants fed. I don’t think that has ever, in the entirety of my life, happened.